If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
