My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
