Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
