The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
