Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
