We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
