I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
