Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you had me at cake vodka
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
