I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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