the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sober January is a disaster.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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