Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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