Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
