All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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