my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
