Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
