worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
