I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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