$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
