I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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