i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
