he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
