highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
