Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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