My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So much rum. So many feels.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
