I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
