why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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