we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
