We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
