Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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