i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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