He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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