I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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