Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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