just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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