i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
