I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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