she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
