I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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