I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Houston, we have a blender
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
