woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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