Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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