God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
