Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
did i just pee glitter
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
