Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
