Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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