If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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