jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
