i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
