Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
