Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
