last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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