and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
