Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
